Babe of the week - Sienna Miller (DOB: 28 Dec 1981)

Another useless & meaningless post ;) Just like the rest of my life...sigh

Symptoms of Influenza A H1N1 (2009)

(As part of my civil consciousness) - here's a public health message from the CDC (http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/sick.htm)

In adults, emergency warning signs that need urgent medical attention include:

1. Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath (hmmm, i get this a lot...must be the tight pants working wonders)

2. Pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen (i get this a lot too...especially with deadline looming)

3. Sudden dizziness (yeah, when from far/from the back view, i thought i saw a chio-bu)

4. Severe or persistent vomiting (ya, when the "chio-bu" turns out to be lau aunty or worse - a man with long hair)

5. Confusion (think this is a chronic problem for me...huh? what am i supposed to be blogging about? Oh...H1N1)

6. Flu-like symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough (yup, happens when my original MC expires)

Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office"

1)
I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2)
I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3)
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I were in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4)
Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed in preparation for my promotion to management.

5)
I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 10/18. Please be patient and your mails will be deleted in the order they were received.

6) Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each word thereafter.

7)
The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals actually did this over and over).

8)
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 10 weeks, if I am still around then.

9)
Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

10)
Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

11)
Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

12)
I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, ABSOLUTELY THE BEST!!!

13) I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

40 mistakes that men make when having sex

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.

Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.

Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.

You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.

Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.

Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive.They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.

Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.

A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.

Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.

Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.

Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.

Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.

Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.

Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.

Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt so don't get carried away.It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.

You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.

Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.

A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst.Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST.

When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.

If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.

Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.

It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina.At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.

You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.

Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.

Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this.It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.

Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white.Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.

Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.

In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them.In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.

Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions.If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.

When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.

Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.

There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.

If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.

Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a rostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.

It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.

Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.

It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.

You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.

Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily,she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.

Never thank a woman for having sex with you.Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen. Send this to everyone you know or else you'll have bad sex for ever!!